Recapturing Teen Wolf: Someone PLEASE help Derek

Previously on Teen Wolf… Stiles almost got laid until Heather went missing. Derek wants Scott to tell Allison what really happened with her mother (he wants a lot really). Erica is dead and the girl with Boyd is Cora, Derek’s younger sister. Boyd and Cora are rabid and free, thanks to Allison. Also Lydia screamed.

A little boy catches fireflies (this episode is called fireflies – got to love Teen Wolf it’s not really known for it’s subtly). A girl, I can only assume is his older sister, tells him that he can’t trap the fireflies in a jar because they will die. The boy doesn’t seem bothered… sorry children creep me out generally but even more so when they are in the cold open of a horror show. Also what are children that age doing out in the woods alone at that time of night? Where are their parents or guardians or anyone over the age of twelve?

Devil child! 

The little girl runs into the group of fireflies – there are a lot of them – and the little boy goes back to trying to catch and kill. Again I’m just going to mention that these children can’t be more than about 10 years old and they are out in the woods on what I assume is a school night (can someone please call child services?)

The music shifts from magical fun times to menacing danger we hear growling. The little boy looks up and sees something in the distance. It’s Boyd and he doesn’t look like he wants to join in the fun unless the fun is chewing on firefly murdering children. Now I may not be a fan of children but I am a fan of Boyd so I don’t want him to eat the children because that’s pretty hard to come back from.

I wonder if that jar of fireflies is significant: subtly, it's a thing.

The boy runs (of course he’s called Billy) grabbing his sister and dropping a very full jar of fireflies.  They run towards a rusted shed – again I feel the need to point out that they must be far enough away from home that it is not feasible to run to their house or call for help. This is Beacon Hills for goodness sake. There are so-called ‘animal attacks’ every fricken week. That is just bad parenting. Seriously I am very upset by this.

Did Derek teach you how to flair Boyd?

Anyway the shed is no match for Boyd but instead of just smashing the door open he goes for dramatic flair (werewolves and their dramatics). He picks up the shed and tosses it away exposing the children but just as Boyd is about to attack kids the jar of fireflies they dropped earlier burst open. Boyd is distracted long enough for the children to disappear and he does not seem happy about losing his meal.

Count to 3 Derek and then respond in a calm and concise matter.

Scott calls Derek, he lost Boyd. Derek to his credit tries really hard not to be mad and/or sarcastic (even thought Scott makes it very difficult for him). Then Scott suggests they work together and I can practically see Derek singing with excitement on the inside. Scotts going to go meet Derek but he has to drop something off first. The camera pans down to reveal the two kids that Boyd was attacking. Dammit it Scott sometimes your unabashed heroics are hard to resist.

Lydia’s in bed, in the same clothes she was wearing when she screamed and she’s not looking well. It might be because she’s sick of not being able to control her body but it might also be because she’s out of pills. She decides to head out to buy some more calling for her mom to let her know except of course he mom doesn’t hear because if she was listening she would have heard the banshee wail (I mean what?).

How could I stay mad at that face?

Then I kind of want to punch Lydia a little bit because she looks out the window, takes note of the full moon, even says the word lunatic but still decides it’s a good idea to go out. Those must be some excellent pills… and there’s the moon again (did I mention this show is subtle?)

Derek and Scott are running through the woods and I am both very happy and very sad to say that they are running on two legs. Does this mean the end of the infamous werewolf run? Is it bad that I kind of miss it? Anyway then there’s some unnecessary tumbling and it’s time for another Derek and Scott d&m.

Won't somebody please think of the children!

Apparently Boyd and Cora are working together as well, but Derek doesn’t know if this will make them easier or harder to catch. This shouldn’t come as a surprise seeing as Derek doesn’t really know anything (and if he does he’s not going to tell anyone) but Scott continues to ask.

Lydia hops out of the car, she’s texting someone but I don’t know who because most of the people she hangs out with are all currently engaged with werewolves shenanigans but it doesn’t really matter because she is not at the store she’s at the pool and floating face down in the water is what looks like a body. Lydia, begs the body not to be dead because it’s totally reasonable to assume that the body face down in the water is alive. Seeing as Lydia is a good Samaritan she decides to check.

What the hell was that guy doing with that dummy at this time of night?

Plot twist: it’s actually a dummy.

Double plot twist: the real dead guy is sitting in the lifeguard’s chair.

Lydia screams, which is understandable because dead guy but also significant because Lydia’s screams are apparently a thing. Also the dead guy wasn’t there when she first got there?

Allison music: Allison is sitting in her car contemplating life because a revelation has caused her to re-evaluate her choices… again. It just makes me really sad because every time Allison ends up in a car, questioning everything she ever believed it could have been avoided if people had just been honest with her a little earlier.

You're better than everyone Allison! 

Flash back to the bank vault, Scott tells Allison that her mom tried to kill him. He tries to brush it off but she wants to know why. He tells her it’s because he didn’t want to taint the last memory she had of her mother and that’s actually kind of noble and sweet but really Scott needs to stop trying to protect Allison from the world and realize that she is capable of looking after herself.

Can we all just agree that this didn't happen?

Then Allison turns around as a broken Derek carries Erica’s limp, lifeless body towards them and it’s awful. Poor Erica you deserved so much more than being a tool for male character’s development, I am weeping for your wasted potential. Also I think Derek has officially broken and someone really needs to give him a hug like right now or he is going to do something stupid like let himself get killed.

Back in Allison’s car the music shifts and Allison pulls an arrowhead out of the glove box. The badass vigilante huntress queen is back in the game, watch out boys.

Hi-five for some lady loving! 

Candles in a tent, someone has a romantic evening planned. It’s young girl and her girlfriend, Emily (who doesn’t seem to like the outdoors all that much). Sexy music starts playing and it’s pretty clear what’s about to happen here. Sometimes I just want to shake people and yell don’t you watch television. Never go camping with the intention of having sex, especially on a full moon because you will die! This is why TV is important, it saves lives.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Bugs are off limits Teen Wolf. 

Emily spots a bug – it’s mood killer but her girlfriend swats it away. They go back to the kissing but the next time Emily looks up the roof of the tent is covered with bugs and there’s even one on her shoulder. Yup this hallucination is way worse than the killer wine bottles. Emily decides she needs to get the hell out of the bug tent, fair enough but not really a smart move. She runs into the woods and of course trips allowing herself to be covered in bugs before she disappears entirely.

Emily’s girlfriend runs after her but it’s too late and it’s not look good for her either because Cora’s just turned up. It’s okay though because Isaac to the rescue. By the way it looks as though Isaac has received some fashion advice from creepy uncle Peter (well they may as well get some use out of him before he ultimately betrays them).

Peter totally gave him a makeover. 

Isaac and Cora fight… Cora is better. Then Derek and Scott turn up and it’s three against one except instead of attacking her they all just standing around growling until Cora runs away. Isaac and Derek chase after her but Scott stops to check if the girl is okay and tell her to get the hell out of the woods. Scott really is a god damn superhero but that wasn’t a smart idea because now there’s a witness that can identify Scott.

Stiles arrives at the pool jumping out the jeep to check that Lydia is all right (squee because Lydia called Stiles when she needed help). Lydia’s fine but the dead guy he’s not doing so good. Stiles is about to call his dad but Lydia already called 911.

The way your brain works pleases me. 

Stiles: You called the police before you called me?

Lydia: I’m supposed to call you first when I find a dead body?

Stiles: YES!

There are very few things that give me as much pleasure as the fact that even though he worships her, Stiles still gets just as frustrated with Lydia as he does with everyone else. Anyway Stiles calls Scott to tell him about the dead body.

The Shining? Interesting (and highly irrelevant) reference. 

Stiles: Yup throat ripped out blood everywhere. It’s like the fricken Shinning over here. If two little twin girls come out of the woods and start asking me to play with them forever and ever I’m not going to be surprised.

Lesson of the week: everyone should have sex, many many times, in several different positions.

You see that, Stiles would never go camping to have sex on the full moon because he knows that it only ends with death. Scott wants Stiles to have a closer look but Stiles is not keen on that but he does it anyway and he notices a purity ring on the victim’s finger. They’re killing virgins Stiles, you should probably go home, lock the door and call Derek (for totally unrelated reasons of course).

Derek doesn’t think it makes sense, they’ve been tracking Boyd and Cora and neither of them have been anywhere near the pool which is on the other side of town. Scott doesn’t care for Derek’s logic because someone died and it’s their fault. Derek says that it’s actually all his fault and while that is kind of true I do want to slap Isaac and Scott for just agreeing with him. That’s a cry for help Scott. Be the hero dammit.

Isaac: You did not just say what I think you said.

Scott decides that they need help. Derek’s like we have Isaac and Scott’s clarifies that he means they need ‘real’ help and if looks could kill Scott would be dead. Isaacs all, I was going to join your pack but not I am firmly back on team Derek and I am going to go after your girlfriend for good measure. Scott doesn’t notice because he’s too excited about his plan: they’re going to find someone who knows how to hunt werewolves.

Scott: I have an excellent plan. Allison is a hunter so we should ask her dad for help. 

At this moment I reach into the television grab Scott and scream: do you know who knows how to hunt werewolves… Allison. The girl you have been obsessing over since the series started. She’s probably the best person to call in this situation but you won’t because everyone continues to underestimate the women.

The Sheriff is talking to Caitlin, Emily’s girlfriend, about what happened. She revealed that they weren’t entirely clean that night. The Sheriff assumes that the MDMA causes her to hallucinate because she’s going on about seeing a girl with claws and fangs.

I just found about $5 in change and I will give it to anyone that tells the Sheriff about werewolves.

But I mean what is he supposed to think. It’s not like he’s aware of anything that might fit that description. It’s not like he knows anyone that has an excess amount of knowledge about these kind of things that could give him much needed information that he could use to protect both himself and the citizens of Beacon Hills. But whatever, I’m not bitter or anything. He seems to suspect something anyway, maybe he’s figured it out after all (pretty please with sugar on top).

Papa Argent is out doing some grocery shopping because he’s a normal suburban dad now (and I am not turned on by this… okay maybe I am). Apparently being a normal suburban dad involves having a loaded gun while at the grocery store but I’m cool with that. He turns the gun on Scott and Scott looks like a puppy that’s just been caught pissing inside the house.

Derek and Isaac sit in the car, watching from a distance. Isaac asks Derek if he thinks this is going to work, Derek says no and Isaac agrees. It’s a bonding moment or at least Isaac thinks so because he decides that since they’re getting along so well now would be a good time to ask about Derek’s sister. It doesn’t go well.

Your eyebrows are truly magnificent creatures that should have their own reality TV show.

Isaac: So your sister?

Derek: deadpan stare.

Isaac: Sorry yeah, it’s bad timing. I’ll ask later. It’s fine.

Derek: deadpan stare plus eyebrows.

Isaac: Or never, yeah yeah. I’m good with never.

Chris is still holding a gun on Scott and wondering why he should care about anyone related to Derek… oh I don’t know Chris maybe because your family is responsible for Derek’s families deaths. Also he doesn’t even know Boyd’s last name. It’s Boyd. His first name is Vernon. His gun is still pointed at Scott because part of him wants to shoot. Scott can understand that (oh Scott you got to stop hating what you are).

Yes. Please. Again.

Chris puts down the gun and it’s time for some father-in-law son-in-law bonding. Chris goes on about how he watched his father brainwash his daughter and I have to say that both Chris and Scott deserve some blame for what happened to Allison. They were both so determined to protect her that they failed to give her the tools – and by that I mean information – that would have allowed her to protect herself.

Also the wonderful Mama Argent died and I guess that is kind of Scott and Derek’s fault so Papa Argent is not interested in helping. Scott’s like that’s cool can I have a ride though. Scott directs Chris to the pool where Lydia found the body so Chris can see first hand the trauma that he could help prevent. Scott I have to say, I did not know you had that in you. That is some excellent emotional manipulation and it totally worked. Chris is in!

Scott you are not normally this manipulative... I like it. 

They head out to the woods where Chris tells Scott, Isaac and Derek that they suck (especially Isaac). They are using most of their energy to control their wolfie full moon urges, which puts them at a disadvantage because Boyd and Cora have completely given into the wolf. They need to focus on the smells.

Chris explains why you are wrong.

Chris then starts a speech about different ways that hunters track and trap werewolves. His speech is intercut with Allison actually doing what Chris is talking about because she is better than everyone and they should have gone to her for help but collectively they have the worst decision making skills in the entire world.

Allison doesn't need to explain anything she is too busy getting shit done.

Allison cuts her arm letting it bleed on the ground to draw the wolves towards her. Their heat signature is higher on the full moon so she has her infrared binoculars out and ready to go. Chris hands out the infrared thingys but Derek doesn’t need them because he has infrared eyes.

Backstreets back! 

Slow motion hero shot! It’s all very epic but I’m pretty sure Allison has probably already caught Boyd and Cora while you guys were standing around looking majestic. Chris asks Derek how long it’s been since he’s seen his sister and at first I though he said 9 years but after further viewing it seems he says “not in years”. He thought she died in the fire but Derek thinks he can still track her by smell.

Chris: Scott, how confident are you in your skills?

Scott: Honestly most of the time I’m trying to not think about all the things I can smell.

The problem is that once they get past the high school they will be in the centre of town and has anyone tried to draw up a map of Beacon Hills because the geography really makes zero sense. They have to get them because wolves hunt for food but Boyd and Cora are hunting for pleasure, which is not good for anyone (also I could listen to Chris Argent talk shop all day and all night, especially all night).

Don't ever change.

Isaac still thinks they should kill them, naturally Scott is against that plan and Derek is on the fence. He doesn’t want to kill them but he also recognizes that it might be their only option. Chris has a plan though, as long as no one is in the school at night. They can trap them in the school as long as no one else is there – Isaac suggests the boiler room and you go Isaac look at you contributing things and all while looking totally dashing in that nice new scarf. It’s a great plan, provided no one is at the school. But no one would be at the school at this time of night right? They can’t be…

I complain because I care. 

Well well well, if it isn’t Ms Blake. What the hell are you doing at school at this time of night. I’m going to assume that there is a legitimate reason, like you don’t want to go home because your partner died and your not used to living on your own yet (or you are evil and just got back from a nice night of murder). But in reality I’m pretty sure you’re there to get rescued by Derek and fall in love with him. Please prove me wrong.

Chris shows them some of his toys. They’re called ultra sonic emitters and they omit a high-pitched frequency that only werewolves can hear. They’re going to use them to lure Boyd and Cora towards the school.

Isaac: Does anyone else want to rethink the plan where we just, I don’t know, kill them?

Take that fandom’s woobification of Isaac into a fluffy innocent puppy. He’s a snarky asshole and I won’t hear anything more about it.

Montage: everyone must find an increasingly interesting way to play their sonic thingy’s into the ground. Lot’s of running and acrobatics but eventually they make it to the school to wait for Boyd and Cora.

Lydia and Stiles have made it back to Lydia’s room. She tells Stiles he didn’t have to follow her home but he just wanted to make sure she was safe. Lydia reminds Stiles that she had a police escort.

Gosh darn it your face is fantastic. Everything else is fantastic as well. But your face, well done.

Stiles: I know the inner workings of that force. All right. They’re not nearly as reliable as people think.

Lydia: Well you didn’t have to follow me into my room.

Stiles: Well I didn’t… yeah I don’t have an answer for that.

Stiles, honey do we need to have that conversation about consent and boundaries again. It’s okay though because Lydia knows better. She knows that while Stiles is definitely concerned, he’s also there because he wants answers. He wants to know how she found the body but the answer is that she has no idea. Lydia didn’t even know where she was until she got out of the car.

This is utterly unacceptable. I shall not stand for this! As soon as I stop crying I'll do something about it. 

They both look understandably upset because the last time this happened it was because of Peter Hale and although I’m pretty sure it’s something else I’d just like to warn Peter that if he tries to mess with Lydia again he will regret it. Zoom of doom into Stiles, and there are tears in his eyes and I am not okay because that is the face of a boy who remembers how much it hurt to almost lose Lydia and he doesn’t want it to happen again.

Standing with a wide stance in the distance... it's a Hale thing.

Speaking of Peter he’s turned up to give Derek a little pep talk, which is exactly what Derek needs because he’s clearly not coping with anything at the moment. WHY HAS NO BODY PICKED UP ON DEREK’S EMOTIONAL DISTRESS?? HE NEEDS HELP SOMEONE HELP HIM!

Anyway Peter’s not interested in helping because he’s trying to cut down on feudal endeavors.  He figures he’ll save the family reunion for when Cora is less cranky. Peter tells Derek that he’s playing into Deucalion’s hands. Deucalion wants him to kill his pack but what’s Derek supposed to do, let innocent people die. Peter reminds him that it’s either innocent humans or his pack.

I love your sass but I hate everything else. Also thanks for the Isaac makeover. 

Peter: Let Scott deal with it. Let him be the hero of his morally black and white world. We’re survivors, you and I, we live in shades of grey. Then again even if you did kill them you’re still an alpha. You can always make more werewolves.

Can we talk about how much I fricking hate the way Peter is always trying convince Derek that they are the same? They are not the same. Derek has done some bad things and he’s made some terrible mistakes but he usually has the best intentions. Yes he can’t afford to see the world the way Scott does but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to. The worst part is that Derek is starting to believe it. He’s starting to believe that he can’t be saved and that the world would be better off without him and someone please help him!

Can we ship them? Or is that going too far? Who am I kidding, I passed too far years ago.

At the hospital Melissa is waiting when Stiles shows up. She’s taking him to see the body of the boy Lydia found at the pool (because she is a total BAMF who figures things out and stuff). Stiles doesn’t understand, he already saw the body, but Melissa tells him that he didn’t see everything.

Inside the morgue, Melissa explains to a very ill looking Stiles that not only did the boy have this throat slashed but he was also strangled by a rope of some kind and bashed over the back of the head.

I just love how casual Melissa is talking about murder. 

Stiles: You know it’s not very werewolfie?

That’s exactly what Melissa thought because she is just going full steam ahead into this whole supernatural detective thing (I like to think that she called Stiles not Scott because she’s still trying to give Scott a chance at normal). I also absolutely love that Stiles is squeamish (Melissa’s just all business) but you can see the moment when his curiosity gets the better of him and it doesn’t matter anymore. Because his physical discomfort is less important than gaining information.

Anyway the basic point of the medical lesson is that the dude was killed 3 ways, so someone really wanted him dead and that someone probably wasn’t a werewolf.  Stiles is excited for a moment because it could be just a regular random killer (if only) but then Melissa informs him that there’s a girl with the exact same injuries. Oh no.

The fireflies... they might be a thing. 

Back at the school Chris notices something strange, apparently Californian fireflies don’t glow… so what the hell are the things that are flying all over the place. Scott asks if it means something but before Chris can role his eyes and yes of course it fricken means something Scott they hear Boyd and Cora approaching.

Boyd and Cora run across the football field like the hooligans that they are and it looks as though they are heading right for the trap… except they decide to forgo the werewolf battle by going over the school instead of through it. Well done boys, you could probably do with some help right about now.

Two girls fridged in one episode. Bravo Teen Wolf. 

We interrupt this epic werewolf battle to ruin my emotions because back at the morgue Melissa pulls back the sheet to reveal that the dead girl is in fact Heather. Oh Heather, I’m sorry you had to die you seemed nice but it’s even worse because now we have to see Stiles reaction. And he’s crying. There are tears coming out of his eyes and now there are tears coming out of my eyes and everyone’s crying and it’s very emotional.

I got nothing. 

Heather isn’t just a girl, it’s not that she’s just a friend. She’s a link to Stiles mother and now she’s dead and I have no idea how Stiles is still standing. Melissa is explaining all the gory details of her death so she doesn’t notice Stiles reaction at first but the moment she looks at Stiles she knows. Stiles explains that Heather was a friend and that he was at her birthday party... and that’s it. He wipes the tears away and refocuses because Stiles is the king of repressed emotion and he’s back in detective mode.

Stiles remembers the purity ring, and he sure as hell remembers that Heather was a virgin. He asks Melissa if there have been any more bodies because two is only a coincidence he needs three for a pattern. There are no other bodies but there was the couple from earlier. Stiles tells Melissa that he has to talk to Caitlin, who is in the hospital, because thinks he’s figured out what’s happening.

Stiles: Oh shit does this mean I get to have sex with Derek?

Yes Stiles we’ve all figured it out (although it’s all too neat, I call red herring) but on the off chance someone really is killing virgins I’m going to repeat my earlier statement. Go home, lock the door, call Derek. Also can someone please take AO3 away from Jeff because this is becoming the season of the fan fiction tropes (what do you mean that Stiles has to lose his virginity immediately for safety reasons?)

Shot through the heart and your to blame you give love a bad name.

Back at the school they’re still trying to get Boyd and Cora inside the school. Isaac volunteers to go give them a push but there’s no need because Allison is already on the job. She fires flash bombs at Boyd and Cora until they retreat into the school and Isaac locks them in. Then Isaac stares at Allison and Allison stares at Isaac and is that a moment, I think that’s a moment. Okay I know I said I don’t want a love triangle but I might be coming around to the idea of this pairing. Shh don’t look at me. I love people who hated each other falling in love.

Calm down dude. They promise you some back story.

Inside Boyd and Cora are confronted with Derek and Scott. They fight then Derek and Scott run off and Boyd and Cora case after them. Then something wonderful happens… Derek actually uses the stairs! He doesn’t jump, or slide, or anything else. He just places one foot in front of the other like it’s a normal thing he does every day and there you have it fandom, actual canon proof that Derek Hale can in fact use stairs.

Boyd and Cora follow them into the boiler room and once they have reached the bottom of the stairs Derek and Scott use fire extinguishers to distract them so they can get back up the stairs and lock the door. By the way, I’m totally loving the throw back to season 1 when Stiles fought off a wolfed out Scott with a fire extinguisher but now I’m wondering why they don’t carry one around with them all the time.

Once they have successfully trapped Boyd and Cora inside Derek and Scott look at each other with disbelief.

JFC Derek how do you even get into those jeans and more importantly how do you get out of them?

Scott: Did that actually work?

Derek: It worked.

Oh my sweet, hopeful, honey’s. I’m going to give you a moment to bask in your success (and totally ignore the despair on Derek’s face) because there is no way it was that easy. Scott leans his ear against the door and Derek slumps to the ground. The music stops. Scott hears heart beats… three of them. There’s someone else down there.

Why is no one noticing this? Scott. Look. Help! 

Ms Blake is picking up some paper from the stationary supply that is conveniently located in the boiler room. In all seriousness whoever decided it was a good idea to keep stationary in the god damn boiler room has some explaining to do. Is this is a thing that actually happens? Because it seems like a safety hazard. Nothing good ever happens in a high school boiler room. I don’t care how much I needed paper I would never go down there especially in the middle of the night. But whatever logic got her there, Ms Blake is now trapped in the boiler room with two rabid werewolves.

I just desperately want you to be awesome. 

And I really, really want to like you Ms Blake (do you have a name?) but at the moment all I know about you is that you like Joseph Conrad and you know how to send a mass text. Otherwise all we’ve seen you do is be the victim, you got attacked by birds and now you’re getting attacked by werewolves. Do you have the worst luck in the world? Like is your fundamental flaw that you are always in the wrong place at the wrong time? Please give me something, anything, so that I can add you to my list of awesome ladies because I want Derek to have nice things but not at the expense of a female character.

Detective Stiles is even better than I imagined it would be. Although in my imagination he was wearing less clothes... and more Derek.

At the hospital Melissa has snuck Stiles into to see Caitlin, the girl whose girlfriend is missing. Caitlin explains that they were out there to be alone because she wanted it to be special and Stiles guesses that was because it was Emily’s first time. Stiles is really good at the detective questioning thing and it’s pretty heartbreaking when Caitlin asks if they’re going to find Emily… well this is awkward probably shouldn’t have gone camping. Camping never ends well. There’s a reason we invented hotels… it’s so we wouldn’t have to go camping.  

Back at the school Derek’s suicidal thoughts have finally reached breaking point. He’s going into the boiler room to fight Boyd and Cora. Scott tries to tell him that if he goes in there he will have to kill or be killed. Derek knows this, that’s why he’s going alone. You fucker. Derek opens the door and jumps inside leaving Scott by himself contemplating what Derek just insinuated.

Inside Ms Blake spots the werewolves and just stands there starring until Derek burst in and knocks them away. Then, thank goodness, Ms Blake actually does something. She shuts the gate and hides herself behind one of the shelves (it’s only something little but it’s enough that I am not going to give up on her just yet, more of this please Jeff).

Derek is fighting Cora and Boyd and it’s not going very well but that might be because Derek has basically given up. All Derek seems to be trying to do is stop Boyd and Cora from tearing each other apart. He just stands there and lets them slash at his skin with a resigned look on his face. Like he figured he would go out like this but at least he’s helping someone.

And that’s it. I take it back. I can’t handle it anymore. I don’t even care if Ms Blake is every kind of awful cliché in the book I just want someone to care about Derek. I want someone to show Derek that his life is worth something more than a sacrifice and if I have to doom a female character to the role of beauty that saved the beast then so help me I will do it. That’s right I am willing to sacrifice the possibility of a dynamic female character just to give Derek something good. Just someone love him please! 

A little sunshine (on cheekbones) in the horrible dispair.

Upstairs Isaac is rushing to Derek’s aid when he feels the first rays of morning sun on his incredible cheekbones. The eagles are coming I mean the suns coming up. Isaac yells to Scott and Scott pulls open the door and heads in to help Derek. By the time they get down there Boyd and Cora are passed out (I guess all that blood lust really tires you out) and a slash up Derek is kneeling between them.

You can take these emotions elsewhere. I do not want them.

The absolute worst part is the look on Derek’s face. He looks disappointed like he’s upset that he’s still alive. Yup I am fully prepared to love you Ms Blake, clichés and tied tropes and all as long as you make Derek stop looking like that.

Derek tells Scott and Isaac to take Cora and Boyd. He’ll deal with the teacher. Some people have had a go at Derek for this but it makes perfect sense to me. Scott and Isaac can’t be seen by Ms Blake. It has to be Derek that deals with her.

Hello harlequin I've found your new hero. 

In the worst located stationary cupboard ever Ms Blake is stile cowering in the corner. Romantic music starts playing and Derek struts in complete with dreamy eyes and slow motion. If I wasn’t so emotionally distressed I’d be laughing because please this scene is lifted directly from a trashy romance novel. Ms Blake stares up at her hero like he’s a gift from the gods… which in this case is actually a pretty accurate description. 

Same. You go for it girl. 

Derek looks at Ms Blake like he desperately doesn’t want her to be afraid of him and she isn’t (well mostly). She takes his offered hand and there’s more starring longingly into each other eyes and damn they’re pushing this aren’t they. Calm down guys, let it happen naturally, don’t force it on us it will just make us resent you.

I don't fucken care what your sexual preference is, if Derek Hale looks at you like that your panties drop.

It makes me think of that quote from Speed: “relationships based on intense experiences never last”. They will just have to base it on all the thank-god-were-alive-sex they are about to have.  Ms Blake might not have won me over just yet but I would never begrudge anyone the chance to get naked with Derek Hale (just please don’t let this be another Scott/Allison love-at-first-sight romance because I will vomit).

GORE!

Finally at the hospital, Stiles is showing Scott Heather’s body. Scott’s excited because yay Boyd and Cora aren’t murderers but Stiles is like you’re missing the bigger picture buddy. Cut to the Sheriff finding Emily’s body, killed in the same way as the other two. Three’s a pattern.

All three were virgins, all three have the same injuries. Strangled, head bashed in, throat slashed. It’s called a three fold death… basically they’re human sacrifices.

To be continued…